How To Win Friends And Influence Monsters is the 9th episode of Season 7. It aired on November 18th, 2011.
Sam, Dean and Bobby become actual hunters, in the true sense of the word, when they set up camp in a New Jersey state park to track a creature that has been attacking people in the woods. The townsfolk claim it is the real Jersey Devil. Meanwhile, Dean is beyond thrilled to find a Biggerson's restaurant in town, but is devastated when he discovers the restaurant's special sandwich seems to be making people crazy.
Something kills and eats a camper in the Wharton State Forest, and Dean, Sam, and Bobby squat in an abandoned house while they investigate that and a number of missing persons reports. Dean complains about their living conditions over the last few weeks, but Bobby is insistent that they need to follow Frank Devereaux's advice and stay off the grid while the Leviathans are after them. Dean, though, is fed up and points out that the world is always on the verge of ending—maybe it wants to end. Bobby tells him not to think about it.
Sam's research uncovers conflicting reports about a creature dubbed the Jersey Devil hiding in the forest, so their first stop is to interview a park ranger. Chief Ranger Rick Evans meets them at a Biggerson's Restaurant, and they question him about the state police's conclusion that a bear is behind the camper's death. As he eats a Turducken sandwich, he tells them that a bear wasn't behind it. Also, he and his assistant, Phil, have been finding partially eaten animal remains in the woods for a while now. When Rick mentions that he hasn't seen or heard from Phil in a while, Sam asks Rick if Phil could be missing. Rick is strangely unconcerned—just says that he should probably report it and continues eating his sandwich.
Bobby arrives at Biggerson's from the morgue and tells Dean and Sam that the wounds on the camper's body don't seem to have been caused by a Leviathan, a werewolf, or a wendigo. They take a break for lunch, and Dean happily devours his Turducken sandwich as Sam fills Bobby in on what they learned from Ranger Rick. They decide that something weird is definitely going on and that they need to search the woods themselves. Before they go, their unaccountably aggressive waiter shouts at his manager and storms out.
Once in the woods, Bobby's hunting and tracking skills quickly lead them to Ranger Phil's mangled body hanging from a tree. They call Ranger Rick, who arrives at the scene after dark and again seems strangely calm and disconnected. He uses his radio to call for backup just before he's snatched by something fast moving. Bobby, Dean, and Sam raise their weapons, but are too slow. Bobby urges them to turn off their flashlights and then closes his eyes to better hear the sounds the creature makes as it starts to eat Ranger Rick. Eyes still closed, he shoots his .30-30 rifle up into the trees...and hits his target.
What falls out of the tree is a thin man with a strange blue tint to his skin and clouded eyes. He appears to be dead from Bobby's single bullet, but, once they get him back to their base of operations, he revives and jumps up to attack. They pump him full of bullets until he falls dead, and then Dean pulls a wallet out of his pants. According to his ID, he was once a 235 lb. man named Gerald Browder.
While Dean watches, Bobby and Sam perform an impromptu autopsy on Gerald's body and are disgusted by the procedure, which uncovers a strange blue-gray goo throughout his body, disturbing stomach contents, and an extremely swollen adrenal gland. Dean is unaffected, however, and insists on heading back to Biggerson's Restaurant for dinner, where he orders another Turducken sandwich. As Bobby and Sam research Gerald on Sam's laptop, Dean seems unconcerned. Instead, he's strangely intent on his sandwich. When Sam and Bobby look around the restaurant they realize that everyone else is just as focused on eating Turducken sandwiches, and Sam snatches Dean's so that they can leave to investigate what's left of it.
Back at the abandoned house, Dean is irritated that Sam and Bobby won't let him eat his sandwich. He says that he feels fine—great, even. For once he's not upset about Castiel or the Leviathans because he just doesn't care anymore. Sam says that he sounds stoned, and Bobby points out that he's acting just like Ranger Rick and the rest of the dinner crowd at Biggerson's. They're still arguing when the half-eaten Turducken sandwich suddenly erupts with blue-gray goo. Sam and Bobby recognize the substance as the same stuff that was inside Gerald Browder. Dean comments that if he wasn't so calm he would vomit.
While Dean sleeps off the effects of the goo, Sam and Bobby stake out the Biggerson's Restaurant. They see a nondescript truck drop off a shipment of meat and follow it back to an unmarked warehouse. Dean wakes up as they arrive, and they all watch as a car parks next to the truck. The Leviathan Edgar steps out, pulls a hooded figure out of the trunk, and forces him inside the warehouse.
The hooded figure is the Biggerson's waiter Brandon, and he has developed the same hyper-aggressive behavior as Gerald Browder. In the warehouse, Edgar greets the Leviathan Dr.Gaines and tells him that he needs to be more careful because the adverse reactions that some people, like Gerald and Brandon, have to his formula are drawing attention. Dr Gaines seems optimistic about his experiments, even his failures, but Edgar warns him that Dick Roman is coming and that he needs to burn his "mistakes."
Bobby, Sam, and Dean are still watching the warehouse when Dick Roman shows up. Bobby and Sam instantly know who he is: a famous billionaire and one of the 35 most powerful men in America. Dean realizes that Crowley was talking about Dick Roman when he mentioned "hating Dick" during their last encounter, and Bobby points out that the Leviathans must have big plans if they're taking the identities of men like Dick Roman. Bobby gets out an advanced listening device and plans to find a higher vantage point to spy on the Leviathans from.
In the warehouse, Dr Gaines shows Dick Roman the results of his experimentation. The food additive that he's introduced into the Turducken has a "near 100%" success rate. It makes humans crave more at the same time that it alters their DNA, slowing their metabolism and causing weight gain, as well as stunting emotional responses. Dick Roman is unimpressed, however, because the .03% of people who reacted negatively to the food additive have drawn media attention.
Dick and his assistant Susan lead Dr Gaines up to an office, and Dick tells him that they're shutting his program down. Bobby, who has a high vantage point on a nearby building, listens in and watches through a pair of binoculars, horror-struck, as Dick forces Dr Gaines to "bib" himself to atone for his mistakes. The ghastly ritual involves tying a lobster bib around Dr Gaines' neck and then making him eat himself, starting with his right hand. Bobby starts to tell Dean and Sam what he's seeing, but a Leviathan finds him on the roof and knocks him unconscious.
Bobby is taken hostage by Dick Roman, and Dean and Sam are determined to rescue him. While Dick talks to Bobby, Dean and Sam burst into the warehouse and spray the four Leviathans, including Edgar, that they encounter with sodium borate. Dick hears their screams and leaves Bobby alone to go deal with them, one gun from a pair of dueling pistols tucked into the back of his pants.
The minute he's alone, Bobby, starts going through the files on Dick's desk. He reviews them as he loads the second of the two dueling pistols, and something in the papers he reads gives him pause. He decides to take the papers with him and is just leaving Dick's office when Susan appears. He shoots her in the forehead and she stumbles back, giving him time to escape the room.
Meanwhile, Dean and Sam are still dealing with the Leviathans, and Dick has Sam cornered. Bobby appears and shoots Dick in the back, and then Dean pours the last of the sodium borate over him. They run out of the warehouse, Sam and Dean reaching the van first and pulling it up to the back door. Bobby finally runs out, but Dick is right behind him and fires his pistol at them as Bobby jumps in the van and they drive away.
Sam and Dean think that they've gotten away clean, but Sam sees Bobby's hat in the front seat and there's a bullet hole in it. Sam looks back, worried, and shouts Bobby's name. Dean echoes him.
Featured Supernatural BeingsEdit
- Voice: This is nature sounds, sounds of nature.
- Dean: This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We've got Purgatory's least wanted everywhere and we're on our third "the world is screwed" issue in what, three years? And we've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already!
- Sam: Someone's got to do it.
- Dean: What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?
- Bobby: Never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer.
- Dean: You're talking about Bambi, man.
- Bobby: You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother.
- Dean/Ranger Rick: I think we found Phil.
- Dean: That's funny, right? I could give two shakes of a rat's ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their ass, or is it something else? Eh.
- Bobby: There's something wrong with you, Dean.
- Dean: Are you kidding? I'm fine! I - I actually feel great. The best I've felt in a couple months. Cass? Black goo? I don't even care anymore. And you know what's even better? I don't care that I don't care. I just want my damn slammer back.
- Sam: Dude, you are completely stoned, just like Ranger Rick was.
- Bobby: Just like the dinner rush back at Biggerson's. And everybody's loving the Turducken.
- [Dean's half-eaten Turducken sandwich suddenly starts liquifying into grey goo]
- Dean: I think you pissed off my sandwich...
- Sam: Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a pumpkin head...and is currently turning Dean into an idiot-
- Dean: I'm right here. Right here.
- Dean: If I wasn't so chilled out right now, I would puke.