Teddy was a toy that belonged to Audrey Elmer and came alive because of a wishing well. She wanted a teddy which was "big, real, and talked." He was addicted to pornography and alcohol, and was suicidal. He even shot himself, but only managed to displace some of his stuffing, to his utter dismay.He was appalled at the fact there was violence in the world and he called 'crap.' He even questioned his existence and cried when he realized that he was alive for nothing more than 'tea parties.'
- Michael Teigen, who portrayed Teddy, previously portrayed a teacher in season 1 episode Bloody Mary and Max Hilby in season 8 episode LARP and the Real Girl.